


Who added the E?

by Spezzato



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Best Friends, Childhood Trauma, Dysfunctional Family, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gay Panic, I WANT TO CRY, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, One True Pairing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-14 04:50:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20594996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spezzato/pseuds/Spezzato
Summary: Richie has been having nightmares and has been keeping it to himself. He has an emotional reveleation regarding his feelings towards Eddie. This will be a short story of the events leading up to Richie carving into The Kissing Bridge.





	1. Friday Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie had spent the last few days at home and his nightmares were getting worse. They were only able to go away when he knew someone else was home but his parents had left a few days ago and still another few days to go. He desperately needed his friends to come over to just keep company but he didn't know how to explain what was happening. He himself couldn't understand what was happening really. He hoped they would be up for his little plan.

_"I like you it’s as simple as can be. I like you. Everything little thing about you your brown eyes, your blue car, short hair, long sleeves"_

-

**Lunch Time**

-

Richie dragged his feet as he walked out of class. He headed to the lunch hall looking for his friends but he knew he wasn't gonna see Eddie since he had been sent to the principal's office after an outburst. He sighed and glanced around looking for his friends. Once he found them in the crowd he sat beside Bill. The gang talked about their usual nonsense but Richie wasn't really speaking and it felt weird that his friends hadn't noticed. They all seemed so busy with their lives that he felt like he was being left behind. He scrunched up his nose and started picking at his food. Listening to the usual. Bill stuttering. Beverly enchanted by it. Ben enchanted by her. Stanley generally annoyed and Mike just happy that he was able to go to an actual school. It was a bit comforting being amongst the noise. He was appreciative of his friends but he wished he could ask for more. Time was tiking and it didn't seem like Eddie would be joining them anytime soon. _'Well here goes nothing.'_ Richie thought. 

"So tonight my dudes. Movie night? Folks are gone till Tuesday." Richie said as he finished up his meal not looking up. 

_'Please.'_

"Have to go to my gr-grandparents this weekend." Bill said with a sigh

_'Fuck'._

"My aunt is taking me to a feminists conference to help me with my _confidence_." Beverly said annoyed

_'Feminist conference?!'_

"Because of the rain these last few days I have been behind on chores on the farm.. I need to catch up." Mentioned Mike

_'God.'_

"I have a lot of homework I have to do for extra credit." Ben said glancing at Beverly

_'Of course.'_

"My dad is making me work at the synagogue." Stanley muttered 

_'Another one bites the dust..'_

"You guys suck dick." Richie said trying not to show how disappointed he really was. 

"Ask Ed-Eddie. Maybe he's fr-free." Said Bill. 

Richie's heart skipped a beat at the thought. '_Alone with Eddie'. _He chuckled and shook his head. Though he would love that honestly he didn't think it would be possible. Why hope.

"That fucker got detention for throwing a fit over some stupid sanitation issue regarding the hall pass. I doubt his mom is gonna let him." Richie said now just playing with his food.

"What has ever stopped you from hanging out with Eddie, Richie." Beverly said teasingly.

Ben chuckled softly. "It won't kill you to ask." 

"I know he's gonna say no. His mom is probably raving right now over the whole thing." Richie retaliated 

_ **Bell Rings** _

"Then you're gonna spend the weekend alone Trashmouth." Stanley said as he stood up. 

\- 

**Detention**

"Mrs. Croix! How you doing my lady!" Richie said entering the room. 

The detention teacher looked up with dread. She was all too familiar with Richard Tozier. He constantly was sent to detention due to his loud mouth both effecting students and teachers.

"Sit down Tozier."

Eddie perked up when he saw his best friend walking in. He rolled his eyes but a grin was still present. Richie quickly went to him. As he passed by his desk to sit next to him, Richie ruffled Eddie's hair much to Eddie's dislike.

"Do you come here often?" Richie teased.

"What the fuck did you do this time." Eddie asked curiously.

"I told one of the Bower boys to suck my dick in the hall and Mr. Gordon didn't find it as funny as I did." He said getting comfortable in his chair. 

Richie actually hadn't gotten detention. But he was sent there so often he knew he could just show up and Mrs. Croix would assume the worst. He wasn't able to admit it to himself yet but he wanted to see Eddie as soon as he could and he knew Eddie would stay there until he needed to. He felt at ease around the neurotic mess which itself is whole other thing. He crossed his arms on the desk, laid on his arms and looked at him. 

"God Richie. This is like your 5th detention this semester."

"Who cares. My parents don't." He muttered.

"You got me there. So is movie night still going on? Bill told it was gonna be at your house?" Eddie asked scooting his chair closer to Richie as to not speak too loudly.

Richie's face flushed and Eddie got closer. _'Why the fuck would Bill mention it. When did he even find the time.'_ He thought. 

"Oh the orgy? Nah it's canceled. No one can go. Everyone apparently has a fucking life." Richie said. He hid his face into his arms to hide his disappointment. 

"Oh." 

_'Is he upset?' _Richie peaked up at him.

"Oh?"

"I didn't want to be home toni-" Eddie stopped himself. "What are you doing tonight instead then?"

_'Please come over.'_

"Jerk off to those pics of your mom I found at your house the other-"

Eddie rolled his eyes and punched his arm. 

"You're so disgusting." Eddie growled 

Richie laughed and adjusted his glasses. He stood up straight to be able to look at Eddie better. His long black curls covering around the frames of his thick glasses. His pale freckled skin turning a soft shade of pink. He was trying to work up the courage and muster the words to ask without sounding like an asshole.

"Wanna come over still? Like if it's just me? You might cut into my porn session but you're my best friend-"

_'Close enough?' _Richie awaited his reaction. 

Eddie could probably change the rotation of the earth with how hard he rolled his eyes. Regardless...

"Dumbass. Yeah, I'll come over. Sleep over?" Eddie asked focusing back on his doodle. 

Richie's heart really needed to calm down. It was just a sleep over. _'Why the hell am I still getting this nervous around him?'_ . He tried shaking it off. '_Puberty. It's just puberty.'_

"Sleepover Eds. Bring condoms and lube." 

"Fucking idiot. Stop calling me that." He muttered

Richie's smile didn't seem like it would budge anytime soon. He loved this bickering with him. Riling him up. He adored how feisty he would get. Eddie's face would get all read and his nose would scrunch up and his eyebrows could kill you with the force he would use to glare at him. He adored how he would look when he would make him laugh though not often it was still a sight to behold. '_FOCUS_' He told himself as he was getting ahead of himself. He scooted his desk closer to him and now they were side by side. He rested his head on Eddie's shoulder.

_'Thank you'_

"I'll go straight home and get everything set up my love. See you at six?" Richie asked watching Eddie doodle.

"Six sounds good. Might be Seven if my mom doesn't let me go." 

"Oooh Eddie Spaghetti gonna sneak out for little ol me?"

Eddie chuckled and playfully pushed him off of him. 

"Idiot."

They spent the rest of detention talking about their favorite superhero's new comic. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those who took the time to read! I know it's nothing out of this world but just wanted to get my anxiety out of my system after watching the movie. Should be 5 chapters tops <3.


	2. Almost Six O'clock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie has about an hour to get mentally and physically ready for his sleepover with only Eddie. Eddie attempts to convince his mother to let him go to 'Bill's' sleepover.

_I like you. Every freckle on your face. I like you, no two ways about it. I like the way you say my name. _

_-_

**Tozier Residence**

Richie darted home after detention. He needed to get everything ready for his arrival. Normally he wouldn't give a shit but _normally_ the other losers were there to buffer them out. It had been a while since it was only them two having a sleep over. Regardless Richie was ecstatic that Eddie suggested the sleepover. 

He had turned the basement into a little hang out spot for whenever his parents weren't in town. He preferred sleeping down there regardless. It felt like a mini house all to himself and he knew it was gonna be something he needed to get used to. He walked down the stairs and looked around trying to figure out what needed to be cleaned. He really loved teasing Eddie but he did not want to spend the whole night being bitched at because it was messy or dirty.

"Alright. You got this Tozier."

He spent the next thirty minutes clearing all the space out. He shoved all his dirty clothes to his 'room' upstairs. He broomed out the dust and finished up by getting his stack of movies lined up, along with a bunch of snacks his parents would always let him buy. Only thing Richie loved more than movies and snacks was Ed- He loved movies and snacks. 

He laid on the sofa. He was almost wheezing from the hard work he had just done. He often wondered how he was able to fight an actual fucking monster but cleaning up quickly had him winded. He kicked his feet up on the arm rest and stared at the ceiling. He wondered what his parent's were doing. If they were having fun. He wondered if they could have taken him. He sighed softly and snuggled against the soft sofa cushions. Curling up against it almost in a fetal position. 'I hate them' He thought. He closed his eyes for a moment. 

-

**Kaspbrak Residence**

"I said no." Sonia huffed.

"Why not! They are all gonna be there ma! Please!" Eddie begged.

"After the stunt you pulled today?!"

"Mr. Valentine wanted me to use the same hall pass Charles had used after he had used the bathroom and I know for a fact that kid is not sanitary!"

"I said no Edward."

"Ma. Please Richie got a new mov-" He whined

"This is at Richard's house?!"

"N-No! It's at Bill's. Richie is only in charge of the movies." Eddie quickly replied 

Eddie had been behaving lately. It felt like they were constantly arguing but he had behaved lately. Just for a moment like this. He took the medication she said. Went to the doctor appointments she set up. He followed along just so he can have her happy and enough to let him do something fun every once in awhile. He looked up at her. No-He was looking at her. He always felt no matter how much he grew he wasn't gonna be able to catch up to her. But finally had. 

"You-You didn't let me go last time. Please." Eddie continued. 

"Agh. Fine. Take your medicati-"

"I don't ne-"

"Take it or you're not going."

"Fine. Can I come back Sunday morning? It's a two day thing...Saturday we're doing some stuff and might as well right?"

"Fine. But you call me before bed and when you wake up... and during lunch!"

"Thank you so much!" Eddie elated and hugged his mother. 

Eddie ran up to his room and started packing. He wasn't going to say it out loud but being around his mother lately has been draining. Weekends all she does is eat her heart out and then complain he isn't eating well enough. It was agonizing. He grabbed his duffle bag as he tried to shake the guilt of leaving his mom alone for the weekend. He neatly folded two pajama outfits and three extra casual outfits just incase. He grabbed his toiletries. His six medication bottles and two inhalers. His mom probably would kill him if she knew he was actually staying at Richie's. He chuckled to himself as though he was getting away with murder. He was going to have a sleep over with his best friend, only him. 

"Okay this should be it." He said as he zipped up his bag. 

-

**Tozier Residence**

_"EDDIE!" Richie screamed pulling him into him. He looked up at the man he called Eddie. He didn't recognize him too well but he just knew that's who it was. He hugged him tightly and cried into him. "You're okay I got you. Oh my god you pulled me out of the deadlight. Eddie we need to move!" Richie yelled. IT was going to retaliate again soon. That fucking claw. "Richie holy shit did you see that! I got his ass oh my god!!" Eddie said getting off of Richie. He offered his hand so he could get up. "We have to run!" Eddie yelled pulling Richie from his hand. IT was coming with full force again. "Eddie!"-_

"Eddie!" Richie cried out as he woke himself up.

He was hyperventilating. His body covered in sweat. He sat up quickly and tried to catch his breath.

"It's just a dream." He had to say out loud.

"IT is gone. He can't hurt us." He tried to convince himself.

He stayed sitting on the sofa and just started crying. It felt so real to him. He didn't know who that man was but it felt like Eddie. An older version of him. He shook his head. His hands covering his face trying to keep it together. His dreams were getting worse. Getting too close. His tears falling into his already sweat filled shirt. '

"Fuck you." He screamed and aggressively threw himself back into the sofa.

His mind and heart were running a thousand miles a minute. He could feel each pulse in his body as he tried to calm down. 

"Stop being such a pussy." He told himself. 

His tears slowly lessened. He hated not knowing how to ask for help. He didn't feel like he deserved it. Out of everyone in the group he had the least shit to bitch about. He hated how he felt. 

"Fuck. I need to change." He removed his shirt now drenched. 

Richie was heading up to his room holding on to his sweat/tear soaked shirt just wanting to throw it away. He sighed turning the corner.

"AH-"

"Shit." 

Eddie had scared the living shit out of him. 'All I needed. To just shit myself here.' Richie thought to himself. 

"I'm sorry your front door was open and I was calling for you and your room was empty! You really need to clean that room." Eddie said sounding like a parent.

Richie chuckled. "Eds. We are hanging out in the basement not in my room. I hardly stay there."

"Richie why are you shirtless." Eddie said his face flushing as he was only now noticing. 

"I got jizz on my shirt. Tried getting one in before you came." Richie teased and leaned in to kiss Eddie's forehead. 

Eddie growled and pushed him off. He hated being reminded how much shorter he was than him. 

"Get that shit away from me." He said backing away. 

"I was gonna give it to you as a blanket."

"Go change your fucking shirt and burn that. I'll be downstairs." Eddie said darting his eyes. His cheeks remaining flushed. 

"Alright Alright. Give me a minute." 

"Get me that blue blanket while you're at it."

"Gotcha sweetcheeks~" 

Eddie rolled his eyes and smiled as he proceeded to the basement. 


	3. Let Me Be There For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie and Eddie enjoy their night in. But his nightmare's seem to have him sleep deprived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright my dudes were are getting into some fluffy sad shit. Buckle up!

_"But I remember the nights when you would lie with me. Where we'd talk and we'd touch and we'd fall asleep."_

_-_

Richie always loved movies. He could escape his reality and immerse himself into the screen and the lives of those people. He didn't have to think about his parents leaving him with nothing but a note. He didn't have to remember that he had spent the last nights without sleep because of his nightmares. He didn't have to constantly put up a front around his friends. Most importantly he loved movies because Eddie would always without fail sit next to him and scoot as physically possible and most of the time Eddie would fall asleep on his shoulder because Eddie himself would get drowsy watching them. Richie really loved movies. 

-

Eddie was looking through the movies Richie had stacked up. Richie wanted him to pick one in hopes of Eddie staying awake longer than twenty minutes. Richie was laying on the sofa wondering what he would pick out of his stack of maybe sixty movies. Eddie continued to shuffle between them all on the floor. Richie watched him, focused on more him than what he was doing. Eddie's short hair so neatly set to the side. His nose scrunched up as he thought hard on his decision. His legs bare as he still had a tendency of wearing short shorts. His olive skin smelling of fresh soap. He seemed so small to Richie but he had grown so much in the last few years. Richie remembered the man he would see in his dreams. 'Same hair cut. Really Eddie.' He thought to himself. He was entranced.

"Heathers! Alright I pick this one!" Eddie exclaimed

Richie snapped out of it. "Heathers? That's my mom's movie. It's a chick movie."

"You would only know if you've seen it. Now you told me I could fucking pick and this is what I want." Eddie protested.

Eddie scooted up to the VHS and pressed the movie in. Not letting Richie convince him out of it. He fixed up the other movies and set them to the side of the TV stand. Richie rolled his eyes and let out a chuckle. Eddie grabbed a bag of gummy bears and went and turned off the lights. He scurried back to Richie and climbed into the sofa from the backside. 

"Move Tozier." Eddie said as he now felt flat on him.

"Oh god. Eds move I can't breathe." Richie said actually attempting to move now that he was caught off guard.

"Wait is this the sofa that turns into a bed?" Eddie said not moving.

"Y-Yeah." Richie struggled to say. _'God he is heavy. What the fuck.' _

Eddie moved off of Richie and reached his hand out. Richie took it letting out a soft cough from being flattened. 

"Let's make it into a bed then." 

Richie felt his cheeks get warm but with Eddie turning off the lights he wasn't too worried.

"Fine."

-

**30 Minutes into Heathers**

By now Eddie and Richie were snuggled up under Eddie's favorite blue blanket. It was an older blanket but Eddie liked it because it was small enough to fit only two teenager skinny boys and big enough for people to not know what was happening under it. He liked having that kind of intimacy with Richie. Both actually paying attention to the movie. Richie was surprised at how interesting it turned out to be and how Eddie hadn't fallen asleep yet. He wasn't too crazy about the fact that Eddie still wasn't getting drowsy enough to lay his head on him. 

They got to the scene where Veronica and Jason Dean fake the bullies suicide as a gay suicide pact. Eddie reacted under the sheets and moved a bit away from Richie. Richie looked down wondering why he did. He wanted to ask but because of him the Losers knew not to talk during a movie. 

**60 Minutes **

"Richie?" Eddie said concerned. 

Eddie was moving Richie's curl out of his face and carefully placed his glasses on the other side of him. Richie had fallen asleep and slowly made his way to rest on Eddie's lap. Eddie really didn't mind but Richie was whimpering and shaking. Eddie ran his fingers through his thick hair and tried to soothe him but it didn't feel like it was working.

"Rich?" Eddie said again

Richie was shaking and sweating all over again. Tears were slowly making their way down his face now but he seemed to still be asleep. Eddie tried not to panic but he didn't want to scare Richie into waking up. Eddie gently shook him. Hoping it would work. 

"Rich, are you okay?" Eddie asked.

Eddie removed the blanket to not overheat him. Normally the sweat would have grossed him out but he couldn't think about that right now. Eddie was attempting to move to try and get Richie water. But as he attempted to move Richie clung on to him. 

"No! Please! He's okay! He's just hurt!" Richie screamed waking himself up

Richie quickly became disoriented and was hyperventilating again. He sat up to the side of the 'bed' and clawed into his own pants trying to calm himself down. For a moment forgetting he wasn't alone.

"Richie?!" Eddie exclaimed terrified. 

Richie shook his head and looked to his side. Eddie's blurred out figure being lighten up by the TV screen. 'Shit.' Richie chuckled softly but he still was crying.

"I'm sorry. Wet dream again-"

"Richie. What the fuck that wasn't- Are you okay?!" Eddie said in a panic. He grabbed his glasses and stood up. He walked in front of Richie. Moving his messy hair out of the way. He placed the glasses on top of his own head to hold them in the meantime. He pulled their blanket towards Richie and used it to wipe away his tears. Richie looked up at Eddie, he was smiling as though relieved. He hugged him tightly. His face pressed against Eddie's waist. He continued crying into him. Eddie really didn't know what was going on but it had been awhile since he had seen Richie this distraught. Years even. He moved to sit next to him and held him. Richie not wanting to let go. It felt like he was clinging on for life 

"Richie can you please talk to me?" Eddie pleaded.

"Im sorry." He muttered into him.

Eddie pulled Richie away. Looking straight at him. He grabbed the glasses from his head and placed them carefully on his freckled face. Eddie cupped Richie's cheeks staring at him. He was so confused but the pain in Richie's eyes made it clear that this wasn't some kind of joke. His thumb caressed his pale face. Reddie whimpered into it and closed his eyes. He needed this warmth. This attention. He never would have asked for it but god did he need it. 

"Rich.."

"I haven't been able to sleep in a few days. I don't know why but I'm having nightmares again and they're different now. We're older and it's not reliving what we went through it's like what we will be going through and I'm fucking terrified Eddie.."

"Shit. Have you told any-"

"No. Everyone has been so busy and I don't blame them. This is stupid."

"Richie it's not stupid. What is fucking stupid is you not telling anyone about this?! You could have become dehydrated! Passed out! What would we have done then?! You can't do this shit." Eddie said upset but concerned.

Richie opened his eyes at him and smiled softly. Eddie sighed and pulled him into a hug, both of them plopping onto the bed. Eddie was smaller than Richie but it felt the other way right now. Eddie just held him and let Richie press against him. Richie buried his face into Eddies chest. Eddie tried to think of what to do. How to help. Richie needed help. 

"You need to promise me that if anything like this is happening again you tell me. This isn't fair you always get to play knight in shinning armor but not me. It's my turn. Let me be there for you, you idiot." Eddie said quietly as he played with Richie's locks.

Richie chuckled and looked up at him. He sat up for a moment and took off his shirt once again.

'Was this happening before I got here?' Eddie thought now that he watched Richie remove his shirt. He looked away shyly.

"You may get to play knight tonight. But know you'll always be the princess." Richie teased and quickly went into snuggling him again. Not wanting Eddie to react quick enough to reject it. 

"Dumbass." Eddie rolled his eyes and chuckled.

They were always able to be this close. To just feel each other's warmth and depend on each other's company. It had been awhile after the whole events regarding their encounter with the monster. But they fell back in synch. The losers never minded how close they were, but they always teased them and the teasing quickly made them react to push away. But when alone. They only had each other to tease and it was the best kind. They were able to let those walls down when it was only them. It was never discussed just a known thing for them. It was too dangerous to be themselves outside of this bed with a blue old blanket. 

Richie needed this. He needed someone to be there for him. He needed Eddie.

And Eddie? He was going to stay by his side for as long as he needed. 


	4. Realizing the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie is now seriously thinking about his feelings for his best friend.

_“Boy I hear you in my dreams._ _I feel your whisper across the sea.__I keep you with me in my heart._ _You make it easier when life gets hard”_

_-_

Richie was able to sleep through the night without waking up for the first time in a long time. He had spent so many restless nights alone at his home. But Eddie was here. Beside him. Protecting him. That’s what Richie needed. Someone to be there when they say they will be. Eddie was the only constant in his life.

The sun shines through the small window in the basement right onto Richies face. He growled upset and moved to face the other side to avoid the sunlight. As he adjusted his position he felt body heat against his own. A smaller framed body scooting up against his own body. The sudden warmth shocked into him and he was now awake. His face flushed as he realized it was Eddie sleeping against him. Eddies hand reached behind him and looked for Richies. Richie bit his lip trying to understand what Eddie was doing. He gave his hand to him and Eddie pulled it towards him. Richie and Eddie were spooning. They were officially spooning and Richie now had his arm wrapped around Eddie’s body. 

_‘Ah christ_’ Richie thought to himself. He wondered if this was a conscious decision Eddie made or was he still sleeping. He didn’t want to move. He really didn’t want this to ever end. Having Eddie tucked underneath him meant the fucking world to him. He wanted to squeeze him and shower him in affection.

’_Wait. No. No. This isn’t shit you do with your best friend. Oh my god he is gonna get so fucking mad when he wakes up. It’s fine. This is fine. It’s not weird. It’s cold down here! What else are we supposed to! It’s fine. We’re fine. He won’t be mad. Oh god he’s gonna kick me off the bed once he realizes.’ _

Richie was now panicking and needed to calm himself down. He sighed softly and nuzzled his face into Eddie’s shoulder. He knew this moment wasn’t going to last forever and he needed to appreciate it as it’s happening. He closed his eyes and kissed Eddie softly on his cheek. 

“Thank you Eds.” He whispered.

He managed to fall asleep again. 

-

Eddie had woken up before Richie. At least he thought he had. He blinked adjusting his eyes to his surroundings and felt the arm around himself. His heart skipped a beat but he quickly removed it. Richie still asleep just moved to face the other side. Eddie sighed in relief and sat up. He scooted over to get off the bed as quietly as he could. Richie was known for being a light sleeper and now that Eddie knew how much he needed sleep he tried to let him sleep as long as he could. He tip toed up to the first floor. 

He made his way to the kitchen and rummaged through the drawers.

”Are they serious?! They leave for over a week and all these leave here are snacks?! No wonder Richie is going brain dead. He isn’t eating right!” Eddie said to himself out loud. 

He sighed and opened the fridge. A single carton of eggs and orange juice. He was annoyed with the lack of care Richie’a parents were giving him. Quickly reminded at how much his own mother cared. Why couldn’t parents just find a balance. 

Eddie proceeded to make some scrambled eggs for breakfast. He felt his cheeks getting warm as he thought about sleeping so closely to Richie. They often slept in the same room but never in the same bed really. Not without the other five shoved in there for fun. 

“Idiot. Can’t believe he hadn’t told me.” He muttered to himself as the eggs sizzled.

”Are you cooking for me?” 

“CHRIST!” Eddie screamed startled. 

Richie laughed and walked over to him and hugged Eddie from behind. 

“Relax. Is that how you’d sound when you climax-“

”God! Shut up!” Eddie retaliated his face flushed.

Richie laughed and sat up on the counter watching Eddie finish his cooking. It meant a lot to him that Eddie went out of his way to do something like this for him.

”You need to learn how to cook. And you also need to tell your parents to buy actual food. This is ridiculous. Only one carton of eggs! One! How is someone supposed to survive off of only snacks?! You need proper nutrition to grow Richie.” 

Richie rolled his eyes. “Why don’t you just move in and cook for me? Go shopping for food with me and be my wife.” Richie teased.

Eddie now had a deadpan expression on his face. “I am serious. You need to eat properly Richie.” He muttered as he moved to serve the eggs. “How did you sleep?” He sighed to change the subject.

Richie scrunched up his nose in a knee jerk reaction. He didn’t want to look at Eddie now just thinking about earlier this morning. Having to face how it all made him feel. “Oh man had the wildest wet dream. Your mom was at the center of it all.” He Richie deflected. Eddie rolled his eyes. "God you're so gross."

Eddie knew Richie wasn't one to open up all that much but the fact that he was joking around gave him relief in an ironic sense and he decided to drop it. He set up the table and Richie followed behind with the orange juice and two cups. Richie felt like for the first time in forever he was with family. He shook his head to himself and thought how ridiculous that was. But that's what this was. The losers were his real family. Eddie just happened to be his favorite one and he wouldn't mind it being just him and Eddie. 

"Holy shit Eds. This is actually really fucking good. You're gonna snag one quick." He said eating with his mouth open.

"Don't call me that. Please eat with your mouth closed." He said a soft smile on his face. He felt proud. 

They both ate in silence for a moment but it didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable. They were enjoying each other's company and enjoying the simple plate of scrambled eggs. Richie finished up and looked up at Eddie who ate the slowest of the losers. He smiled to himself but he felt a pain slowly wash over him. 

_'I love him' _. Richie thought to himself. The sadness in him felt as though it was going to overflow. He knew he would never be able to express that the way people normally would. He knew these feelings were going to have to be kept inside. This wasn't fair. His sadness was becoming anger.

"Richie? Are you ignoring me idiot?!" Eddie yelled

Richie snapped out of it. "What?" 

"God! I was asking what you wanna do today? Wanna go to the arcade?" Eddie asked as he picked up Richie's plate.

"You always say the arcade is gross, you sure you wanna go?" 

"Well you like going so stop bitching and let's go." Eddie said taking his plates to the kitchen.

_'Yeah. Fuck. I am fucked.' _

It was official. Eddie was the one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading! Next chapter is gonna be the conclusion <3 hope yall enjoyed.


	5. Carving a Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie accepts his feelings and needs to immortalize it. Unfortunately he doesn't follow through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are at the end my dudes. Hope yall enjoy ~ thank you for reading!

_"I still have your shirt in my dresser drawer. The one with the stripes that you liked in store. Oh everything has changed, I wanted more."_

_-_

It was Sunday morning and Eddie had headed home before his mother came looking for him. Richie and Eddie spent the entire Saturday running around Derry and having fun. Things felt normal again. Everything felt right. Richie knew it would not last forever but he thanked whatever god existed that allowed him to spend this great weekend with his best friend. He felt relieved to have told Eddie how he was feeling and he was glad Eddie wasn't pushing it. Eddie knew when to pester to get the truth but when to back off too. A balance only Eddie knew how to percieve when it was about Richie. Richie now had finally came to the conclusion that he did have feelings for Eddie. It wasn't sexual which is what was weird to him. He had plethora of porn and that's not the type of feelings he got from Eddie. He did get flustered and his heart would pound but it wasn't a need to pounce on Eddie. It was to protect him. Care for him. Keep him safe and most of all do anything to have Eddie happy. He did want to kiss him and shower him in them but this just was different. He couldn't understand it. But he knew it was something more than friendship. He was attracted to him yes, but he's been attracted to bo- others before.. this was love. Someone he could see himself being with forever.

Although relieved to know why he was having these new and weird feelings. Henry Bowers was in his head screaming at him. Richie's memory of being yelled out of the arcade after playing with Joshua, Henry's cousin pounded into his head. He would never tell a soul. He couldn't tell even Eddie. He was not going to risk the best thing that has ever happened to him over a pitiful crush. He knew better than that. Derry was not the place for that. Most of the world wasn't and he doubted it ever would be. Richie had known for a good amount of time he was at the very least attracted to men. 

He knew for a long time that boys were what sparked his interest but he never acted on it. He constantly said crude jokes to hide any tiny hint that he may be attracted to them. He was almost fourteen and hormones were a bitch and he assumed he was just attracted to everything but he knew the day he say Beverly jump into the quarry. He didn't see girls the same as boys. 

Richie was now home alone. He had come to this huge realization and he wanted to scream it to the heaves. He wanted to tell someone. But for his own survial and Eddie's a living human being was not gonna be it. He pondered the thought. Laying on the bed where he spent two nights cuddling with Eddie. He stared at the ceiling.

'I wrote me and Bev's initials on the kissing bridge. I heard it's good luck for a relationship.' He remembered Ben telling him. There was this whole myth surrounding kissing bridge. They said if you went there with your significant other your love would be forever lasting. They said if you carved your initial and theirs onto his old wodden frame that person would reciprocate your feelings in the near future. Richie chuckled at the thought. 'R + E' He could picture himself carving. 

"You know what. Fuck it. No one will know who it is and will assume is a straight pair anyways." He said outloud.

Richie now had a plan and was eager to execute it. Today would be perfect. More people on a Sunday morning was at church and no one would bother him up there on the bridge. He scurried to find a knife worthy of imortalizing his feelings. 

-

Richie rode his bike out to the kissing bridge. The ride there was somber almost. He was contemplating going back home and forgetting all about his idea. His head felt as though it was about to pop. It was pulsating with all these thoughts running through his head. Henry Bowers. Eddie. The other losers. His own parents. Derry. How would they react. How would he react to their rejection. His heart started to beat quicker. But he knew deep down he needed to say it. To make it real to him. He needed to vent. Even if it was to a stupid bridge. He made it to the top and parked his bike. He looked through the carvings already there and looked for an empty spot. 

His heart stopped once he found the perfect spot. He pulled out the knife he brought and pressed it against the wood. His hand began to tremble.

_'Faggot.Queer.Pussy.' _Was all he could hear in his head right now. His eyes started to tear up. He dropped the knife and kneeled on the ground. His bare knees on the dirt. 

"This was fucking stupid Tozier." He muttered to himself.

_'Richie?!'_ Eddie popped into his head. Friday night was now playing in his head. The way he felt being comforted. Being able to just let go and bring those walls down for a ngiht. Thanks to Eddie. The way Eddie said his name always made his heart skip a beat. Richie sighed softly and looked up at the emprty space again. 'No one will know.' He thought to himself as he scooted closed and pressed the blade into the wood and officially began carving. His wiped away his tears with his other arm as they were disrupting his view. 

**'R' **

'Maybe in another lifetime.' He thought to himself. 'Maybe one day it will be okay. Maybe one day we won't have to worry anymore. Maybe one day I can ask him if he feels the same way too.' He whispered to himself as he recarved the R. He wanted this to last forever. 

**'+'**

'Maybe he likes me too! Maybe he is just as afraid? No no he freaked out over that whole AIDS thing..' He stopped for a moment. 'Okay but it's Eddie he would freak out over anything. Tozier you are a catch and what girl would be able to handle Eddie anyways?! I can. I can handle Eddie and I can protect him.' He said and continued to carve out the +. 

Richie smiled soflty at his creation. Now all he had left was to complete it. He pressed the blade against the wood once more to add the E. He hesitated and wondered if Eddie could ever like someone like him even if he was into guys. There were thousands of other dudes in Derry and millions more out of it. He sighed soflty and removed the blade. Maybe he shouldn't condem Eddie to being bounded to him. Maybe one day he can tell him and they can complete it together. But-

Just not today. Richie's heart started to race again. Feeling as though another panic was going to come. The silence he was appreciating this whole time had also suddenly vanished as he heard people approaching him. He felt this was a sign that he needed to leave. So he did. He grabbed his bike and ran back home.

-

The losers were ridding their bikes up the forsaken bridge that Richie had been avoiding. It had been almost two weeks since Richie had gone to carve his initial on the bridge. Ben stopped at the top and called the losers to do the same. He got off his bike and waited for the others to do the same. Richie's heart was pouncing now that they were all just inches from his half assed attempt. 

"I was thinking maybe we could all make an oath here too. A different one." Ben said shyly.

"Wh-What do you m-mean?" Bill asked 

Eddie seemed glanced at Richie as they both passed by Richie's carving.

"We made an oath to come back if IT ever came back. But I want to make one here too. One the promises we will always be there for each other no matter what. That we all love each other."

"You have a crush on all of us Ben? Kinky." Richie said and awaited for Stan to highfive him much to his dissapointment.

"Beep Beep Richie." Beverly chuckled.

"Im serious. We are a family and I know you can all say that we love each other. So maybe we can carve 'Losers.' with the V over it the way Eddie's cast used to say." Ben suggested.

"I love the idea." Beverly said and looked around for a spot.

Richie was now about to throw up. He didn't know what he would do if they found it and questioned him about it. He wasn't thinking about how irrational the thought was that they would see just an R and assume it was him. He looked over at Eddie who seemed to be keeping his distance from the bridge all together. 

"Le-Let's do it."

"Alright. How about each of us carves a letter. Including the V over the S will make seven." Stan said 

"Sounds like a plan. I'll be the V" Richie said moving away from his own carving. 

"Why?"

"Cause I am what makes this group a bunch of lovers and not losers." Richie joked

Eddie laughed and rolled his eyes.

"Then Eddie will be the S since you always want to be ontop of him." Mike joked

"WH-WHAT" Eddie exclaimed. "No he doesn't" Eddie retaliated his face flushing. 

'God I fucking wanna die.' Richie thought to himself.

Mike laughed. "It doesn't have to be sexual Eddie. He's always above you protecting you. It's fitting."

"Whatver." Eddie muttered under his breath

Ben began carving the L and soon enough the entire word was spelled out. 

**L O <strike>S </strike>V E R S**

The group made their pact. They will forever keep each other in their hearts. 

Richie though as much as he liked the concept wanted them to all leave before someone noticed. Beverly seemed to be out to sabbotage him as she started looking at the other carvings fascniated by them.

"I wonder how old these are. Some look like they have been here for years." Beverly mentioned as the traced the letters with her fingers in awe.

Ben and Bill hurried to each to a side of her talking to her about the whole myth and history of the bridge as though she herself wasn't aware. Mike had followed Stan who by now had been distracted by a beautiful bird perched up on a tree. Mike knew stan sometimes would follow them without thought and wanted to make sure he was okay. The bridge was known for being sort of dangerous. 

Eddie and Richie were now awkwardly left out. Richie sighed and looked for his carving to see if maybe he could alter it and make it seem like another letter or just destroy it but he was having trouble finding it. Eddie was pressed against the bridge now. Richie only noticed once his view was disrupted by Eddie's body.

"Why are you so close to bridge?" Richie asked. "You never get this close."

Eddie shrugged his shoulders not wanting to reply. "Why are you being weird?" Richie asked.

"Im not being fucking weird. Can we go now guys? It's gettting late." Eddie complained but did not move. 

Richie chuckled. He didn't want to fight Eddie. The quicker they left the less chances of them seeing it. They all agreed and got on their bikes. 

"Once a loser" Beverly said as she lead the way

"Al-always a loser." Bill finished 

Richie was the last one to grab his bike. 

"Guys I think i dropped something. I'll catch up in a minute." Richie called out. The others raised their hands showing him they understood. Eddie looked back for a moment but continued biking with the others.

"Where the fuck is i-"

Richie's heart dropped and he fell backwards. His eyes got wide and he just couldn't believe it. Right where Eddie was standing against. That's where his carving was hiding. 

**' R + E '**

He knew that he had not added the E. He didn't have the courage to do so. Who the hell did? Eddie was pressed against it hiding it the same way Richie wanted to. Could Eddie have come up here with the same intentions and saw the uncompleted attempt? Richie was overjoyed. 

He smiled to himself.

'Maybe someday we can be happy with ourselves.' He thought. 

He kissed his fingers and placed them on the carving.

_"Idiot. I do too."_ He whispered. 

He grabbed his bike and caught up with his friends. 

'Maybe someday we can be happy together.' 

-

And for 27 years the bridge kept their secret. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again! Might add a one shot of the addition of the E ;)


End file.
